Start With Who

(The Circle Sinek Forgot)

Everyone talks about purpose.

Ikigai.

Life’s work.

Your “why.”

Most books orbit that same gravitational center … especially Sinek’s Start With Why.

Great book. Great model.

But it makes one dangerous assumption…

It assumes you already know who the hell you are.

That’s the missing circle.

Sinek’s Golden Circle has Why at the center…

However, the true center … the innermost ring … shouldn’t be why, it should be who.

Start with Who.

Because if your identity was programmed by expectation, fear, conditioning, or “be a good boy”

Your “why” is just malware wearing cologne.

The Malware Problem

Here’s the truth nuke nobody says out loud

From the time we were small, someone else logged into our system and installed a bunch of invisible code.

• Follow the rules.
  
• Don’t stand out.
  
• Don’t get in trouble.
  
• Don’t risk looking foolish.
  
• Don’t be the black sheep.
  

We internalized all that before we even had the chance to choose.

Then we grew into adults walking around with belief systems written by ghosts.

It’s like we clicked the wrong link at age six and accidentally downloaded a lifetime of malware.

And that malware quietly shapes everything:

• what we pursue
  
• what we avoid
  
• what we tolerate
  
• who we become
  

You cannot “start with why” when you’re still running a corrupted operating system.

The Real Work

Everyone aches for purpose.

But purpose isn’t discovered … not really.

Purpose emerges when identity is clean and the individual aligns with who they really are…and starts to love that person.

That means the real work is

• digging through decades of conditioning
  
• finding the root infection(s)
  
• cutting off its supply
  
• remembering the version of you that existed before you were trained to suppress him
  

Becoming who you are, not who you’re expected to be.

That’s terrifying work.

Most people will never do it.

They wait until the very end … when time is up and truth gets loud.

The Regret List

A nurse once documented the top regrets of the dying.

The first one is the kill shot:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected.”

Every other regret flows from that one root:

• I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  
• I wish I’d expressed my feelings.
  
• I wish I stayed connected to people who mattered.
  
• I wish I let myself be happier.
  

Those aren’t failures of purpose.

They’re failures of identity.

Identity Is the Ante

That’s the unlock.

Purpose isn’t the starting line … identity is.

You rebuild your operating system…

Clear the malware…

Reclaim the original signal beneath decades of expectation…

Then … and only then … can you find the work, the path, the mission that was meant for you.

Identity is the first circle.

Purpose is just a ripple.

Stay Lit

Bob

PS - If you want the full version of this idea, I wrote about the identity → purpose → ikigai progression here.

It’s one of the most important pieces I’ve ever published.

Here → https://www.bobmanor.com/blog/identity-purpose-ikigai

About Bob Manor 

Bob Manor is the founder of  South Ontario Auto Remarketing , Can-Am Dealer Services , and co-founder of Auto Auction Review. He’s also the creator of  Influence.vin, a branding and communication studio built for the car business. With over 30 years in the automotive world, Bob specializes in wholesale, dealer services, and identity-driven brand strategy. He’s a regular contributor to well-known automotive publications and uses his platforms to help industry pros re-align with who they are, not just what they do

Disclaimer:
These are my own observations and interpretations, based on lived experience inside this industry.
This is not financial, legal, or professional advice ... it is pattern recognition, shared for awareness and strategic consideration only